


The Last Bagel

by ali123l



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: America Fuck Yeah, Crack, Humour, M/M, Other, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Shenanigans, You're Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 15:55:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3387641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ali123l/pseuds/ali123l
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one takes Tony's last bagel or they suffer the wrath of his oddly convenient musical knowledge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Bagel

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my friend, and Goddess, Ciara (http://ciarasaurs.tumblr.com/) for bestowing her immeasurable knowledge of Thor's speech patterns and AO3 tags onto me. I am forever in your debt, Oh Great Ciara of Ireland. May this small chunk of text appease your hunger for credit.

The first time Steve Rogers heard that cursed song he thought he was imagining things.

 

"America."

 

Steve brushed it off and kept walking to the couch where the rest of the Avengers were watching a movie.

 

"America."

 

Ok, he definitely heard it that time. It was real, it happened.

 

"America, Fuck Yeah!! Coming again to save the motherfuckin' day, YEAAAAH."

 

Steve looked up confused.

 

"America, Fuck Yeah!!!! Freedom is the only way, YEAAAAHHH!!!!!"

 

He heard Tony laughing and looked over at him. He was almost in tears

and the other Avengers were looking at him, realization of what's happening slowly showing on each of their faces.

 

"Terrorists, your game is through 'cause now you have ta answer to America, FUCK YEAH!!!!!! So lick my butt and suck on my balls."

 

Steve was laughing, now, along with the others.

 

"Hilarious Tony, truly, genius, no wonder you're able to build such cool things!" Steve's sarcasm was real.

 

They let the song come to an end and finished their movie.

 

...

 

The second time Steve Rogers heard that cursed song he laughed.

 

"America."

 

He let out a laugh, a small, but real one.

 

"America."

 

Nat looked at Tony who was leaning against a wall, laughing so hard that he could barely stand.

 

"America, FUCK YEAH!!! Coming again to save the motherfuckin' day, YEAH!!!!"

 

"Why?" She asked.

 

Tony didn't answer.

 

...

 

The third time Steve Rodgers heard that cursed song he was kissing Bucky while making his way up to their floor.

 

"America."

 

Bucky started laughing right in Steve's face.

 

"America."

 

Steve took a deep breath as Clint ran into the room. Clint locked eyes with Tony.

 

"America, fuck yeah!! Coming again to save the motherfuckin' day YEAH!!! America, fuck yeah,  freedom is the only way, YEAH!!!!!! Terrorists your game is through, 'cause now you have ta answer to America!!! Fuck Yeah!!! So lick my butt and suck on my balls!!!!"

 

They were singing at the top of their voices.

 

"America!! FUCK YEAH!!!! Whatcha' gonna do when we come for you now!!!!!"

 

They choreographed a dance.

 

"It's the dream that we all share. It's the hope for tomorrow. FUCK YEAH!!"

 

Bucky was trying to join in and Bruce was laughing to himself on the couch.

 

"I hate all of you."

 

...

 

The fourth time Steve heard that cursed song he thought it was finally over.

 

He entered the room and waited. It was silent. He looked at Tony and Tony smiled at him. Just as Steve sighed in relief, he heard it.

 

"America."

 

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!" Steve couldn't do it anymore.

 

"America."

 

"Stevie!" Bucky was shocked that Steve would curse so loud in front of everyone.

 

"America! Fuck yeah! Coming again to save the motherfuckin' day YEAH!!!!!"

 

"My dear Captain, I do not understand why such jesting would cause you irritation."

 

"America, Fuck Yeah! Freedom is the only way, YEAH!!!"

 

"Tony, please, have mercy on my soul."

 

"Terrorists, your game is through 'cause now you have ta answer to America, Fuck yeah! So lick my butt and suck on my balls!!!"

 

"No, this is what you get for taking the last bagel."

 

"America, Fuck Yeah! Whatcha' gonna do when we come for you now!!"

 

"Tony you're rich you can buy so many bagels!!"

 

Tony was having none of it.

 

...

 

Steve didn't hear the cursed song a fifth time.

 

"Jarvis, I need you to do me a favour."

 

The Avengers, except Tony, were all sitting on the couch, listening intently to Steve.

 

"Don't tell Tony this."

 

"Of course, sir."

 

"Whenever Tony walks into a room that I am also in, play Black Sabbath's Iron Man."

 

"Oh, that's cold," Sam said, but Steve knew he loved his idea.

 

"No Tony, that's illegal," it was Pepper.

They heard a sigh come from Tony.

 

"Yes, dear."

 

They were almost in the room and Steve was patiently waiting for the moment Tony would walk in through the door.

 

"I am Iron Man."

 

"Oh no," fear manifested itself in Tony's eyes.

 

“Has he lost his mind?”

 

Pepper was trying not to laugh- and failing- and Steve was looking at Tony with satisfaction.

 

“Can he see or is he blind?”

 

"Jarvis how could you."

 

“Can he walk at all?”

 

"I'm sorry, sir, I couldn't pass up this opportunity."

 

“Or if he moves will he fall?”

 

 


End file.
